After spending an evening in Camden on my on i was glad to get to get on the move to more Motorhead madness in Plymouth.I had not slept well due to the sound of some wild orgy coming from the room next door to me in the hostel.The hangover and lack of sleep made navigating the tube to Paddington station difficult.I spent half an hour on a cramped train going in the wrong direction before realising my mistake….

Having never been to Plymouth before i hoped that i could remember the route to the hostel.This proved difficult as i had last looked at Google maps some 3 days and several gallons of booze before.I decided next time i would print a map to save to staring at signs in the distance like a bewildered idiot in a foreign land.To my surprise i made it to the hostel in 45 minuets after first walking past it no less than 3 times.The hostel was ideally situated 2 minuets from the Plymouth Pavilions,so after a brief tour and a unnecessarily long and stinky shit i made my way to the box office to collect my ticket….

Ticket collected i took a walk around the corner to find some sustenance.A Wetherspoons across the road the road from the venue had what i needed and as a bonus i could get some food as well.After making my order of vegetarian sausage and mash i took and seat and make quick work of 2 pints of Strongbow.It was at this point i began thinking how a days drinking in Plymouth was not going to be as fun on my own and so i decided to keep an eye out for any other Motorheadbangers to talk to.It didnt take long to spot two guys in Motorhead shirts walk in to the pub and one of them had “THE PEST” on the back of his denim jacket.I remembered from the forum someone posting up that he would be wearing a jacket of the same description and so wandered over to say hello.Thankfully it was indeed Gary from the forum and his mate Biff.They got a couple of pints and came and sat with me.They told me of the nightmare drive form Northampton that day after no sleep since Hammersmith and also of there plans to sleep in there car before driving to Southampton the next day.This didn’t seem a great plan and so i told them of the hostel i was staying in and the fact it was pretty empty and only £16 a night.So after some futile calls to try and book a couple of beds we took a walk up to book them in.They seemed alot happier with there new sleeping arrangements and so we made our way back to the pub to tank up ready for the evenings Rock n Roll….

Gary and Biff are excellent lads and the conversation was full of debauched tales.Gary told me of his trip to Liverpool the week before and how he ended walking the streets dressed only in a t shirt and denim jacket until the trains began running the next morning.When i asked him about the “Pest” patch on his jacket he informed me it was not a band like i had thought,it was in fact his nickname given to him by none other then Phill Campbell.As the story goes Gary managed to infiltrate the band dressing room at a gig on the previous motorhead tour.Once backstage he encounter’d Phill who was in the middle of a professional photo shoot,so Gary decided the best course of action was to jump in as many of the photos as possible thus earning the name “The PEST”.I found this fucking hilarious!Biffs tales however were mainly of past sexual exploits, they were some of the funniest yet gut wrenchingly disgusting tales i have ever heard but so incredibly fucked up i wont go in to details here.If you ever meet these guys buy them a pint and be prepared to realise what ever “crazy” storys you think you may they have are actually vanilla in comparison to the trials and tribulations of  Gary and Biff…..AKA THE FERRAL TWINS!

(This was taken in Southampton not Plymouth)

At 4pm i decided to head to the venue to watch soundcheck and so i left the Ferral Twins in the pub and arranged to meet them in a hour or so.On arrival at the stage door i realised that today was a meet and great with Motorhead which fans had paid a lot of money to attend.I decided that going in after not paying a penny for my pass wasnt on and so headed back to the Pub.Gary and Biff were in full swing and had moved from pints of beer on to more potent beverages.It was at this point they introduced me to a fine whiskey called “Fireball”.Mixed with Cola this stuff tastes like fireball gobstoppers and i quickly became addicted to this fine cocktail.The three of us are all accomplished pissheads and so we drank well for a few hours until they decided it was time to get to get in to the venue to get there usual spot right at the front of the stage.I bid them farewell as i prefer to be able to get to the bar without fighting my way through the crowd.So i had stayed for another hour on my own and drank more of the delicious fireball whiskey….

Once suitably pissed i got made my way to the venue.Inside the Plymouth pavilions i bought a pint of cider and then tried to wander through to the main hall through what i now call “check point Charlie”.I was stopped by security who took it upon themselves to search me and upon finding my bullet belt refused me entry until i had removed it and left it in the cloak room.I found this fucking stupid and so told them.

“This is a Motorhead gig and Motorhead are the reason i began wearing the bullets.”

“Well you aint wearing it in here” they told me

“What do you expect me to with it there all empty and any way the guns that fire the fucking things are usually attached to the side of helicopters!”

“I dont care,go and put it in the cloak room and then you can come through” Was there final word on the matter.

I found the cloakroom and paid the £2 for them to look after it for me,whilst there i did the drunk man mutter about how stupid it was which amused the girls behind the desk to no end.I also met a teenage lad who seemed a bit unsteady on his feet and who was also complaining about something or other.I had no time for this fool and so walked away leaving him talking to himself.The Gestapo re checked me for any other ammunition and then let me in….

I bought 2 more pints of cider and headed through to watch The Subs who had just come on stage.They were excellent as usual and i managed to boogie without spilling to much precious cider.However mid way through my second pint i began to feel perhaps a little bit too pissed and so decided after Stranglehold i would head back through check point charlie to get a jacket potato from the cafe inside the entrance.The grub soaked up the booze nicely and so i thought it best to move on to Jack and Cola for the rest of the evening as i was feeling bloated on cider and the sugar and caffeine from the cola would perk me up.I made my way to the toilets for a quick piss before the ANWL as i opend the door i had to take a step back as a procession of 8 massive Hells angels walked out.These guys were huge and i made a mental note to give them a wide berth to avoid spilling there pints or any other faux pas that may result in a severe kicking….

I watched the ANWL but cant remember much about it.After they finished i headed outside for a smoke and bumped in to the drunken teenager i had met previous whos face was now a bloody mess.I couldnt understand what this fool was saying but i got the jist he thought i could get him back through checkpoint charlie after being thrown out.No fucking chance i thought and so made my escape to pick up another drink and head through to see the main event.I can remember bits of the gig but its very hazy but i do remember an overly exited idiot next to me who knew none of the lyrics but kept trying to sing along regardless.He was also insistent on pointing at my beard over and over again while shaking my hand every two seconds and shouting something in my ear.I didnt know if this guy was mentally ill or just drunk but whichever it was i shrugged him off and made my deeper in to the crowd.I also received a text message from Eliott saying the rest of the tour had been canceld on the official Motorhead website.I told him that was bollox as i was in fact watching them play iron fist at that moment….

After Motorhead had finished i made my way to the main bar and met up with the ANWL boys talking bollox at the bar.I mentioned the text from Eliott and they looked as surprised as me until we spoke to Daz the ANWL/UK SUBS booking agent who told us it was infact a load of shit and the site had been hacked by a disgruntled ex Motorhead employee.After yet more bourbon and more talking shit i took a wander to try and locate the backstage.The security were as helpful as a wet fart in a restaurant and so i wanderd to the main hall to try and find Allan or any other road crew.The security were not satisfied with my pass and so sent some bozo with me.I spoke briefly to Arnie and saw Tim Butcher fall off the stage only to land in a ninja pose.I eventualy found Alan who was outside in the loading area but was on the phone and so i decided to wait until he was off the phone to have a quick word about some interview questions i had.The brain dead security guy refused to leave me and hovered over me so after 5 minuets i decided to give up and fuck off to the hostel to get some sleep….

Back at the hostel i spent 15 minuets trying to work the coded lock on the front door and when i eventually got in found the hostel kitchen to be full of Motorhead fans.Good times and so i shared a drink with them and headed in to the garden to smoke.We had a great 20 minuets or so chatting about the gig until the joy was ruined by a girl leaning out of her window telling us to shut up.I called it a night and headed upstairs to pass out in my bed….

This entry was posted in Booze, Comply or die, Humour, Idiot, motorhead, Music, punk. Bookmark the permalink.

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